Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Artificial Christmas Tree Advice

Yours truly spent about six hours over the weekend working on his pre-lit artificial Christmas tree that was supposed to be a time saver, but seems to have become a time sinker.

To all of you that have not purchased or setup your artificial Christmas trees, here are few pieces of advice.

1) If your tree comes in multiple sections, fluff out each section of branches as you connect them. It is a lot easier to spread the branches of each section individually than to do it after the whole tree is together.

2) If you buy a pre-lit tree, be certain to get one that has LEDs and not the standard mini-bulbs which can burn out. I know those things are expensive, but I am considering establishing an LED Christmas tree fund so I can buy one.

3) Put your tree on a surge suppressor. I cannot guarantee it, but I think this would have prevented my debacle. How else would 150 bulbs all burnout at the same time?

4) Buy a Lightkeeper Pro (http://www.lightkeeperpro.com/). This thing is AMAZING! I do not understand how it works, but it does. It looks like a little red gun and has a bulb/fuse tester, a toner for finding the bad spot in a string of lights, and a bulb remover (for prying out those mini-lights from the socket). It also has this gizmo that you plug into a bulb socket, pull the trigger a couple times and sometimes makes the whole string light up magically. I have no idea how this thing works but it has helped me a lot. DISCLAIMER: I am not supported or compensated by Lightkeeper Pro. I just think their product is really cool.

5) If you need a lot of replacement bulbs consider buying a string of bulbs in the proper voltage instead of replacement bulbs. They might be cheaper. I bought two strings of 100 2.5 volt clear bulbs on sale at K-Mart for $5. That is only 2.5 cents per bulb! Compare that to replacement bulbs that are 10 cents each.

Enjoy getting into the holiday spirit!

Stay Snarky

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It's Not You, It's the Economy

An open letter to my wife on her most recent rejection email from a hiring manager.

Sweetie:

To those companies that are ignoring your resume without so much as a rejection email to acknowledge your existence - I say "Frak them".

To those morons pretending to be hiring managers that run away like scared little rabbits after they interview you over the phone - I say "Frak them".

To those organizations that have brought you in for second interviews, getting your hopes up and then dashing them because they think you are "overqualified" - I say "Frak them".

They are missing out on a gold mine of talent personified in YOU. They are rejecting someone who is smart, professional, talented, organized and highly skilled. They have let slip by a valuable property, an employee with a diverse background of both administrative and technical skills all rolled into one. They overlooked a person who would bust their hump in a role for which they are overqualified for, because they really want to work. At some point in the future, they are going to have buyer's remorse over the lesser qualified people they hired. They will regret that they let you slip by when they could have hired you on the cheap. That is their loss.

To you, my sweet - I say "I am proud of you".

I am proud of your perseverance. In the face of very little positive feedback, you have continued to pound the virtual pavement sending out resumes, making contacts, and tweaking your resume. You have not given up. Every day you keep trying to find I know that it is not for lack of trying that you cannot find work. I know that it is hard and demoralizing and that neither one of us can wave a magic wand and fix it.

I am proud of your drive. I am glad that you went back to college to finish your associate's degree in business. You are close to completing your program and I am proud of your work ethic and dedication to completing your degree. You worked very hard in your classes and your grades reflect that. I really enjoyed our discussions when you had your business ethics (ha!) and financial accounting classes. Not that I needed proof, but it really showed that you took them seriously and were interested in getting the most out of them. I am sure your professors wished they had more students like you.

I am proud of your spirit. Instead of sitting on your duff at home you have been exercising. Instead of watching soap operas, reruns and talk shows, you have been running and doing hot yoga. You are doing activities that are hard, intense, and require commitment. You could have quit either one of these things when they became difficult. You could have become discouraged when you were not hitting your times on your running program or when you struggled with certain yoga positions, but you did not quit. It takes a lot of spirit and self-worth to maintain commitment to exercise, and I am proud of you for that.

I am proud of your support. Although you have been looking for work, you have been incredibly supportive of me in my job. Even when I complain about some minor annoyances or perceived slights, you have never said "Shut up and be happy that you are working". I appreciate that. I also know that if the roles were reversed and I was the one struggling to find a job, I would be a bear to live with it. It would be awful and you would probably want to smother me in my sleep. The fact that I do not feel this way towards you is testimony to your iron will and self-confidence.

I know that this does not make it better, but it is not your fault. The economy sucks, particularly in southeast Michigan. That is totally outside your control. For the things you do control, you are doing amazing. I know that you will find a job. There will be someone that will see the value in hiring someone with your talents, skills, knowledge, perseverance, drive and spirit. When they do hire you, they will be very fortunate to have you as an employee. Until then you will continue to have my love and support.

Stay Snarky

Monday, November 29, 2010

Canceling Mail Delivery on Saturdays? - Big Deal

The US Postal Service wants to cancel mail deliveries on Saturday to save money.

Some of the reasons I heard for NOT canceling mail delivery are interesting, but hardly relevant.

Old people might need their checks delivered on Saturday - Really? Have they not heard of direct deposit? Isn't it safer and faster for them to have direct deposit in a no fee checking account?

Mail carriers are the eyes and ears of the neighborhood - This may be true, but that is a bonus to the community, not a requirement of the USPS. The same can be said for utility workers, FedEx and UPS, cab drivers, bus drivers and newspaper carriers. Not to mention just the general citizenry watching out for each other. One hopes that we are all watching out for shenanigans in the neighborhood, because it is not the primary objective of the US Postal Service.

They used to deliver mail twice a day, now they want to deliver only five days a week? Where does it end? - Beats me. I am at work all day, so even if they delivered mail twice a day I would not notice. If they stop delivering on Saturday and I have to wait until Monday for my issue of Entertainment Weekly, I will live.

If people are all fired up about keeping mail delivery on Saturdays, then they should write their congressman or senator (no sending an email!), send it express mail, certified, with a return receipt (because that costs more) and tell them that you are willing to pay a lot more for first class postage so that the USPS can afford Saturday delivery. If you are not willing to pony up more money for first class mail, then you better get accustomed to not having mail on Saturdays.

Stay Snarky

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A Cult for Blood Donors

I donated blood through the American Red Cross today. I have been donating blood ever since I was 18. Over the past 25-ish years I have donated about 60 units, which is 7.5 gallons (28.39 liters for the metrically inclined). So, I have been donating for a long time. When I first started donating, the questions were basically what is your weight and how are you feeling today? Now, there is a HUGE list of questions to be answered before you can donate blood.

Before I start my rant, let me say this: I get it. I understand the reasons for all of the questions. I am not oblivious to the fact that these questions are there to protect the blood supply. I am certain that many of these questions are the result of a tragedy due to a blood transfusion gone awry because of an unknown disease or side effect from medication. I support what the American Red Cross is doing in trying to protect the blood supply.

Here is the eligibility criteria to donate blood:

http://www.redcrossblood.org/donating-blood/eligibility-requirements/eligibility-criteria-alphabetical-listing

I asked the nurse performing my screening this question: With all of the restrictions in place, how many people are eligible to donate blood at any one time? She did not know the answer, but I looked it up on the Red Cross website. The answer: Less than 38% of the US population is eligible to donate blood. Only 38%! That is a lot of responsibility for slightly more than a third of the population.

http://www.givelife2.org/sponsor/quickfacts.asp

Many of the questions are related to travel or having lived outside the USA for an extended period of time. For example if you lived in Europe for more than 5 years, you probably cannot donate. If you were in the military or worked for a multinational company, you are probably screwed. Hepatitis is a big concern, so if you received a tattoo, you get deferred for a year. There is also a list of medications that can cause birth defects, like Propecia. So, if you are naturally balding and vain enough to fix it, you are out of the blood donation derby. A bunch of the questions are related to sexual activity. One particular question is something like "Since 1977, have you ever traded sex for drugs or money?". Whenever I hear that question, I think to myself, what about trading sex for alcohol or dinner, is that better than trading it for cocaine or cash? But I digress.

Basically, the Red Cross is looking for the most boring, plain people in the USA to donate blood. If you have not traveled extensively, done drugs, are not worried about your bald spot and acne, or had sex under suspicious circumstances, then they want YOUR BLOOD!

My proposal to the American Red Cross is this: Start a cult. But don't call it a cult, classify it as a fraternal organization or new age religion or a club of some kind. Start promoting it in elementary and junior high school before kids get interested in doing anything dangerous. Get them to buy into the Clean Blood Club early. Find some pop singers or movie stars that agree to follow the Clean Blood Club's list of restrictions. Most of the restrictions are right in line with most church doctrines, so you have some potential allies there.

The problem is this: What do you use for motivation? What is the incentive to stay in the club? How do you encourage members to stay on the straight and narrow? You cannot appeal to their civic duty, because that is working out marginally well now.

Answer: You need to compensate them somehow. If not with money, then maybe with college scholarships or subsidized housing. It would be similar to being ordained as a minister, right? But instead of your calling being the ministry, you agree to donate your blood six times a year. Society wins by having a reliable source of blood for surgeries and medical conditions. The blood donors win by getting a college education and an affordable apartment.

Stay Snarky

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Dr. Snarky and Loki - The Adventure Begins

My cat Loki has a minor eye infection of some kind. I noticed it Thanksgiving Day, but the vet was closed Thursday and Friday (for which I do not fault them, they deserve days off too). Fortunately they were open for Saturday hours today.

Loki is a great cat. He has some annoying habits, but he is lovable. He is very much a people cat. He will find a person in the house who is going to be sedentary for a while, either napping, reading or watching TV, and plop himself on or near that person for as long as possible. He has slept in my lap for hours while I have been watching a movie or football. If I fall asleep, it is even better for him, because I am definitely not going anywhere for the duration. However, he really hates riding in the car in his cat carrier. Even though the vet is only 7 minutes away, he cries the whole way there. If it had been summer and the car windows were down, someone might have mistaken him for a baby crying.

Once he is at the vet office, it is an adventure for him. He explores the examination room and checks out the smells from all of the other cats. He loves looking out the window at the street. He has such a good time, it can be difficult to get him back in his carrier to go home.

By the way, the vet examination went fine. The vet gave us eye drops to give Loki a few times a day. His eye was already looking better, so this is just to help the healing along.

In the parking lot, I decided to let Loki out of his carrier inside the car so he could wander around the inside of the car instead of being sequestered. Here he is in the back seat on the ride home:



"Chauffeur, please take me to the nearest pet store."

He really enjoyed the car ride! He was thrown off when the car turned, but he liked looking out the windows and he did not cry. He meowed a couple times, but I think they were "Hey, this is really cool!" meows instead of "Where the hell are you taking me! I demand an attorney!" meows. He looked out all of the windows and the windshield. He was fascinated! I know that it is not safe to have a cat wandering around the car, but people do it with dogs all the time. As long as he stays away from the brake and accelerator pedals we are probably fine.

If I were a truck driver by trade I could totally see him chilling in the cab of my semi while we drove across the country. Instead of "B.J. and the Bear" we would be "Dr. Snarky and Loki". We would travel from state to state and town to town getting into capers, fighting injustice and blogging about our adventures. I would totally watch that show!

Stay Snarky

Friday, November 26, 2010

Where will the Stretching of the Christmas Season End?

The stores put up Christmas displays before Halloween this year. Two months before Christmas Day. I used to get annoyed when they put up Christmas displays too soon before Thanksgiving.

I understand the corporate retailer mentality about this. "Let's get people thinking about Christmas early so they will start spending money sooner." And it is probably working. There will be no way for retailers to tell the difference between a November 1st sale that they would have made anyway and a November 1st sale that occurred because someone said to themselves, "Why, yes, Christmas is only 55 days away. I better buy that widget now!"

I went to my local hardware store on Wednesday afternoon and they were having what was a pre-Black Friday sale from 5:00 PM to 10:00 PM. I bought a couple toggle bolts and picked up a couple 2-liter bottles of pop that were almost on sale for $0.50 each. I say almost because I went through line at 4:55 PM. The clerk could not ring up the pop at the sale price until after 5:00 PM. That was fine, no big deal. I paid for my non-sale items (thankfully) and decided to wait for five minutes until 5:00 PM rolled around.

Holy crap! I must not have been paying attention because at 5:00 PM, all of the shoppers who were milling around the store immediately got into line. I have never seen so many people in this store. I got into line with my now on-sale pop and waited for all of one minute before I realized that I was going to wait 15 minutes in line to save $1.50. Hmmm. My time is worth more than that, so I put the pop back in the display and left.

I then realized there were stores having Thanksgiving Day sales in advance of Black Friday. I am not one to stifle the economy, but do people really want to be shopping for Christmas gifts on Thanksgiving Day? Isn't that supposed to be the day you spend with the family you want to buy gifts for? "Hey, I would love to see you on Thanksgiving, but Meijer is having a big sale and I don't want to miss some great deals." I really think that sucks for the store employees that are working on Thanksgiving, too.

I appreciate that grocery stores and drug stores are open for a few hours on Thanksgiving. I have made that run to the store on the holiday because I forgot some recipe ingredient or realized we did not have enough potatoes. I hope the employees are being compensated appropriately for working a holiday because they should be. But being open for a few hours T-day morning is not the same as being open all day for general shopping.

So, the Christmas shopping season is being stretched from November into October. Black Friday is being stretched to Wednesday and Thursday. Where does it end? Will I see Christmas displays during back-to-school shopping? Will Black Friday turn into Black November with 5:00 AM sales every day? Do we all really need to buy that much stuff?

Stay Snarky

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Five Things I Am Thankful For

I think it is nice that as a nation we take one day out of the year to be thankful for what we have. Here are a few of the things I am thankful for.

1) I am thankful for my wife and family. My wife has made me a better person and a better man and I am thankful that she makes the effort. My kids have made me a more patient person and a good father. I am blessed to have all of them in my life.

2) I am thankful that I have a job and health care. Given the economy in the USA in general and in Michigan in particular, I am fortunate to have good job that pays the bills, puts food on the table and allows me to provide health care for my family.

3) I am thankful that I live in the United States of America. Our government is not perfect and as a people we are not perfect, but we are improving. We are a relatively young country so we still have some maturing to do. Even with our flaws this is still a great place to live and I am glad to be a citizen of the USA. Listening to the news everyday makes me appreciate how stable, peaceful and bountiful our country is compared to many other countries.

4) I am thankful for my friends. After my family, my friends make life worth living. I am lucky to have great and supportive friends. Because I see them infrequently I really appreciate them. We play cards, go camping, break stuff, fix stuff, talk smack, and listen to each others problems. They are good guys to have in your corner.

5) I am thankful for my education. I do not appreciate how much a good education has made my life possible. I received a great education in high school which allowed me to attend a good university where I received a quality education from professors that cared about their students and wanted them to do well. That education has allowed me to obtain or retain good jobs over the past 20 years.

Take a moment to reflect on something for which you are thankful.

Stay Snarky